When harmless thoughts turn in to words
by AliceMagnus
Summary: When a good deed turns in to a future changing act.


I was attempting to keep a steady hand whilst I was stitching up Bella's wound, but every time she spoke to me, I found my hand slipping ever so slightly as I looked upwards at her. I was a person that believed, that during a conversation, one should keep eye contact. But, it was appearing difficult. Whenever I looked up at Bella, I was dazzled by the beauty that was before me, and, the jealousy that had over powered me so many times come over me, causing my mind to become clouded. Why did my son get the woman that I so wanted? I had split up with Esme only weeks prior because of my love for Bella, and I had explained everything to Esme, but the outcome wasn't what I wanted. She told me not to tell Bella, because she didn't want me to lose the rest of my family. She held me in her arms that night whilst I sat still, emotionless. I wanted Bella, I loved her. And it had become apparent that she was my blood singer. I was glad in a way that I still had Esme, and that she wasn't angry with me for loving another woman. The truth was, me and her were together out of convenience. Yes, there was love there - there always had been, but there was never enough to keep our marriage strong. We never had intimate love, we never touched each other. As I thought of this, my thoughts began to go wild, and I lost my grip of the tool I was holding and it clashed to the floor, disturbing the perfect silence. "Sorry, Bella." I muttered apologetically as I leaned down to pick it up, dropping it into the alcohol to sterilize it. "I'll have to wait a minute for that to be cleaned." I murmured, pausing a second to look over her face. "Are you alright? You seem, somewhat... distant, if you don't mind me asking. Are you and Edward alright?" I had to ask; even if it did make me burn with jealousy. I fell silent again as I awaited her answer, my eyes still darting over her perfect porcelain features.

I couldn't stand in anymore, I had longed for this moment forever- where myself and Carlisle would be alone, away from all the distractions. I began mumbling words to him just to create convocation with him so I could hear his perfect voice. He was so gentle, while he stitched up the wound I felt nothing, only my heart beat increase. I also probably felt nothing due to the fact I was lost in his golden eyes and perfect features. Once I heard the small clang the needle made once it was on the ground I broke out of the daydream in which he made me in. I smiled towards him and with my other hand I tugged my hair behind my ear so I could see him more When asked if I was okay, I froze, I didn't know what to say. 'Okay' seemed to be an understatement of my feeling in this situation. I only nodded silently, it was impossible for me to say how I truly felt- if I open my undying love for him, now that I and Edward had begun. My eyes trailed off in thought as there was a pause in him words but when he asked if I and Edward was alright my heart sunk, I think it showed on my face also, I didn't know how to reply. I have been trying to break away from Edward for two reasons or two options, so I didn't have to feel this for Carlisle and know if I feel this way people will get hurt or so I could get closer to Carlisle without Edward and the Cullen's taking it bad. If Bella was going to 'hint' Carlisle she had great compassion towards him, now when they're alone would be a great time. "Lately, I've realised something and... We're... beginning to strain." I said silently, not looking in to his perfect eyes. Once the sentence had finished, then I looked awaited his response. What he said next would make my mind up on what to tell him.

Waiting for her reply was perhaps the most agonizing thing that I had ever had to do. I wanted to know if they were going well, because, despite how horrible it would make me sound; I wanted them to be close to breaking up. I wanted to sweep her into my arms and show her how it really is to be loved. I knew that Edward wouldn't so much as kiss her for more than ten seconds, because he couldn't control himself. Of course, I found Bella's scent very strong and very powerful, and I wanted it, but I would much rather make sweet love to her and spend the rest of my life with her. I wanted to slip the ring onto her finger that would bind us together for eternity, I wanted me to be the one to give her everything she had ever wanted, but alas, I also knew that Bella was Edward's blood singer, and the chances of him leaving her were... one in a million. He loved her, and she loved him. I was only pulled from my thoughts when I heard her sweet voice again. I felt thrill rock through my veins, but when she said she realised something, I frowned slightly. She had realised she loved Jacob, instead, hadn't she? My eyebrow furrowed slightly as I picked up the needle, and began to stitch her arm up again. "What do you mean?" I asked gently, my voice barely a whisper now; but it was still audible. "You've realised what?" I then asked, wanting to be more specific about my question so that she didn't end up taking my question the wrong way. I took hold of her hand and placed it upon my hip - innocently - just so that I could get better access to her arm. "This may sting." I mused quietly as I began to stitch up the wound that was slipping open again. I was going faster this time, just to get it done. I was terrified of how I would take it if she loved someone else that wasn't me...

Awaiting his answer was one of the worst waits I ever had to do, I wanted him to realise how I felt and for him to tell me the same. But I knew that would been impossible since he loved Esme more than life itself, as that thought crossed my mind I began realising what a stupid idea this was to even think about telling him. A small sigh left my lips as he picked up the needle again, this time he was more aggressive as he did it, he still didn't hurt her but she could feel something had angered him or upset him. I looked at his hand and the motion it was making, when he asked me to be descriptive with my answer my brown swung around to his, for a moment- just a moment. I started deeply in to his gold eyes, getting lost in them, but before I had a chance to answer had he replaced her body and began stitching again. I watched my hand, in its new position, right next to his perfect body. I was trying so hard to resist the temptation of rolling my hand on his body. I took in a deep breath as my eyes found his again, I bit my bottom lip out of the nervous of what I think I'm to tell him. My eyes slowly dropped to his perfectly shaped lips before whispering to him. "Carlisle..." I said so softly before looking back to his eyes, I wanted his full attention before I even open my mouth again.

Hearing her whispered response confused me a little. Had I not made my question clear enough? Or perhaps this was just one of those things, maybe she just didn't want to talk about it, and this was her way of telling me nicely? I frowned slightly as I considered the reasons as to why she could've said my name like that, but before I could even think about it; I was lost within the sound of it. Why did it sound so perfect when she said my name? My eyes fell closed for a moment, before I snapped them back open and looked at her, my golden eyes gliding over to fix upon hers. I looked deeply into her eyes, trying to search for a meaning. Why was she looking at me that way? She couldn't possibly... I shook my head sharply, nudging the thought out of my mind. "What is it, Bella?" I asked gently, going back to finishing the stitches, doing them tighter than I had done before. Before I knew it, my distraction was taken away as I finished the stitches. I placed all of the tools in the alcohol, and I began to clean her wound slowly, tapping upon it gently. "If the stitches are too tight, don't pull at them." I mused quietly, though I knew that she never would. "There we go, good as new..." I mused, taking a step back, flicking my eyes over her form. Good, god, she was beautiful... I hoped she loved me. I wished she loved me, but... I had a hunch that she didn't...

His beautiful features distracted me as he asked for answer, they distracted me for too long before I had a chance to tell him he had finished what had created this moment between us. I broke out of the emotional state my eyes were in to look at the stitches. I heard him tale a few steps back, my eyes closed for a moment in disappointment, my chance had gone. But I quickly opened her eyes again, I wasn't going let it faze her. My head turned back to him as I genteelly pushed myself off of the object I was sat on and took the steps in which he had taken away from me. I looked down for a moment, my thumbs playing with each over. As I looked back up at him my eyes were full of mixed emotions – worry, fear, joy and love. "Carlisle, I love you" It felt so good to get the words out, the words that had been ripping me inside since the moment I first met him in the hospital. The only thing now was to wait for his response, how I wanted him to say he felt the same and for him to hold me but I knew that wasn't going to happen, he just needed to know.

Hearing the words that she spoke made me gasp and my eyes widened a little. I took a small step forward, and I found myself a little confused. She loved me? Not as a father figure, but as in... Boyfriend material? I couldn't help the smile that had begun to form on her lips, and I slowly reached forward and took her hand. "What about Edward? You love him..." I mused quietly, regrettably. I hated how I had just said that; I didn't want to make her think of Edward right now, not when she had just told me she loved me. I was on top of the world, I wasn't about to let anything ruin that. I thought of Esme for a moment, and I closed my eyes to rid of her. "I love you too." I eventually said, and for a second I thought about leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her lips. But then, I stopped myself and pulled away, harshly. "Bella, I really do love you. A lot. So much it hurts. I left Esme for you..." I whispered gently, my eyes dropping closed as I slowly leant forwards and kissed her...

The small walk forward he made, made my heart skip a beat. When he took my hand I looked down towards it as my thumb ran down his cold yet perfect hand. When he asked about Edward looked back up toward him, a confused look on my face not that he had just asked that. "No, I love you...You're perfect" I said looking in his eyes, there was seriousness in my eyes so he knows how I feel and now he knows I will never let him go. When he told me that he loved me, the serious tone in my face died away. I was shocked, even thought I needed him to I was never expecting him to, he loved Esme he had been with her too long for a girl like me to get in the way of they're love. When he told me he had left Esme all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and call him mine. When I saw his face leaning forwards toward I didn't pause or hesitate at all. My eyes closed softly as I leant my head the rest of the way and kissed his soft, perfect lips.

"I'm not perfect, Bella..." I murmured in process, the words mumbled against her soft, gentle lips. I was absolutely thrilled that Bella felt the same as I did, but I did still feel a little bad for Edward. I felt a little cocky towards Esme, because, well she had told me Bella could never feel the same towards me, which in fact she did. I had never seen it in my wildest daydreams, and never would I have thought I would be hearing the words I longed to hear. I pressed my lips back against hers, and my hands rested upon her hips. "Bella, I will love you always." I whispered as I pulled away, taking hold of her hand with the hand that wasn't resting upon her lips. Perhaps I was an idiot. In fact, I was an idiot, there was no doubt. But, I wanted this woman. I did. "I would've never thought I would hear you speak those words to me. Never." I admitted as my eyes fell closed and my forehead rested against hers. "I... I'm all Edward never can be..."

Hearing the words that he thought he wasn't perfect broke a little inside of me, but like with Edward I've learnt to not argue much back about it because they were so convinced they were not perfect but that never stopped me. His kiss was just as I dreamt; it felt so good to finally have him in my arms. I listened to every word he said, I held back the grin that wanted to grow on my face because I didn't want to spoil this moment, I only smiled lightly and never stopped looking in his golden eyes. When he rested him forehead upon mind and I closed my eyes for a moment or two, lost in the magic I felt. Then when he finished speaking I open my eyes again to look at him. "From the moment I met _you_ in the hospital I knew, I knew you were the one."

I sighed contently as I brushed my lips against Bella's one last time before pulling away. I had a plan. I would allow Edward to drive her home, and then I would go and visit Bella, instead of Edward. "Bella... may I visit you tonight?" I whispered the words, because that lowered the chances of any of my family hearing me from other rooms. "I know Edward normally visits, but I doubt he will, what with the events from tonight. He feels terrible." I mused. "And he will be looking after Jasper, taking him hunting up in the mountains. Unless, of course, you wish to be alone?" I asked this question gently, showing her that it was her choice if she wanted me to come round or not. I wasn't about to force her into something she didn't want to do, I was wise enough to know that that wasn't fair at all. "You... you know I was the one?" I asked, dumb founded. Was she being real with me? My brow furrowed, but I still smiled. "You should have told me..."

As he began speaking about visiting me tonight, I only watched his eyes. When he mentioned Edward My eye trailer off as did my mind, how was I going to tell him this? And, how was Carlisle going to tell his family? When I heard him speak of not coming, that if I wanted to be alone I quickly looked back at him and very quickly replied. "No. I want you there" I had quickly and truthfully, I had longed to fall asleep in his arms for such a long time I wasn't going to let this opportunity dropped. When he said that I should of told him that I loved him my brows grew closer as a confused look found itself on to my face."Told you? I would have sound...crazy, and...I had to be sure you felt that same" I said, in last part of my sentence my eyes wondered down to his chest as I placed one of my hands on it.

"Bella." I whispered firmly, my lips closing around hers for the last time before I pulled away sharply. Her scent was teasing me, so was her body. I needed her touch all over me, I needed to be- I cut my thoughts off before the remainder of my confidence dissolved and I lost everything inside of me that was willing me to stop from pouncing on her and taking her on the counter she was stood in front of. "I love you. So, so much." I whispered as I stood before her, my eyes portraying the honesty that I was speaking with. I adored her, with every ounce of my being, and the truth of it was - I needed her in my arms. "In fact, I'm taking you home." I suddenly said. I didn't want Edward giving her a kiss goodnight. No, I didn't want him to even give her a hug goodnight. She was mine now, I didn't relish the thought of having another male - my son - touching the only woman I loved. My selfish desires were taking over me, but I really didn't care.

Hearing him whisper my name like he did made me close my eyes and let my mind open to things which I have only dreamt about since I first met him. I felt the tingles start in my stomach, it was a feeling I haven't have in a long time, and I missed it. When he pulled away quickly my eye opened quickly, I knew what had happened and how he was feeling, the look on his face was the looked Edward gave me every time we were near, but that didn't matter when he told me he loved me the feeling I had when he pushed away faded and the tingles came back. "You have no idea how long I've wanted you to say that..." I whispered, more to myself than him. When he told me he was taking me home a small joyful smile appeared on the sides of my lips before the thoughts came flooding in- What would Charlie think with Carlisle taking me home?..Is there any chance of Alice seeing this moment? But I didn't want any of these things to ruin this moment, I only nodded to him.

I knew that Edward wouldn't be happy with me taking Bella home, but what other choice was there? He was looking after Jasper. Ideally, I'd love for her to stay here. But, it'd look incredibly suspicious was Bella to stay in my room for the night, even if the rest of my family - other than Esme - going hunting. But, I would smell of Bella, it would be obvious that I had been with her. Whereas, if I stayed at her house the night, and then went hunting early morning, her scent will fade and it wouldn't be obvious - unless Edward was to read my mind, which, I was practiced enough to know how to block him from getting into my mind. "Well, you can hear it all you wish, my love." I mused quietly as I pressed one more kiss upon her lips. I couldn't stop, I was infatuated by her, turned on by her. "Right, let's get you home, shall we?" I said gently as my ex wife drew close to the door, a knowing look on her face. "I'm taking Bella home." I told her matter of factly, before exiting the room.

Every time he kissed my lips it was like he was kissing for the first time, every time, I wish he would never end. I had never felt this way with Edward- when I was with Edward I felt like I had try, try and get him to hold me, try and get him to kiss me but with Carlisle he couldn't stop, which meant I couldn't. I smiled towards him when he spoke, I couldn't wait to get home hopefully Charlie was already asleep and out for the night so I didn't have to explain the wound on my arm. As I turn to face the door, there was Esme, even though they had broken up and out of love, I couldn't bring myself to look in her eyes, as I exited the door not far behind Carlisle, close enough so I could still grab his hand or body if I wanted to but further away so if anyone was outside they wouldn't be suspicious.

Behind me, I heard Esme say 'don't tell her'. In which, I responded; "I already did." I let out a shallow chuckle at the sound of her gasp, and I knew I would have some explaining to do. I had deliberately left my pager and my cell phone at home so that if the hospital wanted to contact me... well, they couldn't. Nothing, nothing at all was going to ruin this night for me, nor for Bella. I exited us through the garage way, since my car was parked in there anyway. I grabbed the keys from the key peg, and I unlocked the car and moved to get in. I waited for Bella, revving up the engine as I did so that we could get off straight away. I, too, hoped that Charlie would be asleep by the time we got there; but I also had a hunch he would've waited to see her in before falling asleep. But none the less, I would be coming back, whether it was through the front door or through the window, I simply didn't care. I just wanted Bella, in every single way.

I ignored here the mumblings around me but when I got outside the room in which he was stitched me up I looked around but no one was there. Carlisle had gone on in to the garage but I stayed in the room for just a little while, looking up stairs. Was Edward up there? Did Alice know but didn't tell him? - Frankly, I didn't care. A small smirk appeared on my lips as I entered the garage, the car was already to go all it needed was me. I didn't wait another second before getting in the passenger's side of the car. Once I got in I looked straight toward him, a small, sweet smile on my face. I leant over and place one had on his furthest cheek before kissing the other, softly. I couldn't stop myself- I wanted him, I needed to feel his skin on mine.

I smiled as Bella got into the car, and that smile brightened when she kissed each of my cheeks in turn. I kept my composure, however, despite how much I wanted - no, needed - her. Everything about her was drawing me in, making me want to feel our skin together, my lips all over her body. I closed my eyes for a second, regaining the composure I had just lost for a few moments, before driving the car from the garage and down the long winding road. Silence fell between us, and I moved my hand to rest upon her thigh gently, my index finger moving over the flesh a little. I couldn't help myself, I wanted to touch her, despite how it was quite a crude movement for a man as old fashioned and as gentle as me. I didn't withdraw my hand, instead, I drew it further up her leg, teasingly moving. I smirked as I did this, though I never took my eyes from the road ahead, I just couldn't, because was I to look at her, I'd stop the car and make her my own.

As I leaned back in to my seat a smirk found itself on my lips as my mind drifted off in thought. When I felt his hand rest on my thigh I broke out of my thoughts, I took a deep breath in as I felt his finger on my flesh, it drove me crazy, my breath had seemed in increase has his hand slowly and teasingly moved up my thigh. My breath was still fast as I closed my eyes and bit my lowered it, I had to stop myself of taking now, but the only way to do that was to throw a bucket of cold water over me, as my back rested in to the chair more, my eyes still closed, I bucket some on my hair behind my ear I thought it would distract or turn down the feelings that were growing in me – but it didn't work.


End file.
